Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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