They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
