there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
