I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
