i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You made out with two different species that night
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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