Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
