I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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