What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
