I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
