I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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