I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
