I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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