SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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