He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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