Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
literally had 100 drinks last night.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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