I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
