For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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