Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
