I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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