Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
where does the pee come out of this thing
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
