Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
