she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We just shotgunned beers for America
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
