you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
