he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Your penis caused this!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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