Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
