So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
