is your mom at the bar?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
