he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
