Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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