I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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