Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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