Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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