hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
