your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
