I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
