the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
