whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
