this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
