WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
