Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
