brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
