Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
