Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Found the puke drawer
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He did a backflip because drugs
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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