Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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