I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
