I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
