i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
