she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Sorry my hands just texted you
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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