I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
