My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
