My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
