24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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